Have fun reading the Santa Rescue Guide, it was fun writing with a twist of humor, sarcasm, and holiday spirit. Although only a hint of training in each, we have included some training links at the bottom of each post.
If you missed Guide 1 – CLICK HERE
You are called out for a jolly, nutritionally abundant man in a red suit. He seems to be in a precarious situation. You are unsure if he has his beard caught on some built up creosote or his milk and cookie filled belly stuck on the brick. Yes even Santa depends on the fire department when his magic fails. Are you prepared with what to do? In todays edition of the First Due Tackle Santa Rescue Guide we will cover this complex situation.
As with any emergency, the first priority is to think about scene safety. Once again, angry guard deer could be problematic. Treat Santa as you would any other patient and not the magical rock star he is. Establish a strong incident command and hand out your assignments. Remember to monitor the air quality in the chimney as the flatulence caused from milk, cookies, and red bull can quickly drop the air quality under 19%.
The first and easiest way to free him up is to use a lubricant. The lubricant can be lard, butter, oil, or weasel piss (I’m still unsure what that last one exactly is, but I’m pretty sure it is WD-40). Use caution when using this method so Santa doesn’t crash into the firebox below.
The second method you could use is to try and lift Santa from to the top, but we are going to say good luck getting a harness to fit his robust self. Below is a video of where the rescuers had to come from above to save Santa.
Last but not least you can go through the chimney to get him out. This may be the method that involves the most fun, but also poses the most danger to the big fella. With this method you could run the risk of slicing through his suit and throwing Mrs. Claus into a fit. This method may also rile up the reindeer on the roof causing problems not addressed in this guide.
In conclusion key points to remember are scene safety, setting up a strong incident command, elves will pretty much do anything you tell them to, and not to make more work for Mrs. Claus. With this rescue, your outcome is only as good as your imagination. Treat this incident like Christmas depends on it, cause it does.
Pass it on!